Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
