So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
