just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
