u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
