you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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