he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
