his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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