I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
