we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
