I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
