i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
