I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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