You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
