yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
