If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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