So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
