u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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