Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
