The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
