I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize