Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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