i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
