Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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