I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
