You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
