i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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