all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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