I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize