Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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