I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
