Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
