Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
