just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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