I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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