i would punch a child for taco bell
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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