my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
