No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
