you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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