There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize