Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
