Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
