you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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