I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
