I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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