Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
