I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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