I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
