Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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