She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
