Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
