wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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