Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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