Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
soo... how was my night?
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