Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
