I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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