Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
