I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
