3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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