Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm always down for nudity.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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