I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
