Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
