did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
