remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
