im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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