so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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