So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
