Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize