you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
