I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
