It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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