This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
