Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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