am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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