just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
