Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
