oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
