Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
